Sorry, but in order to masquerade as being semi-professional, I’m afraid I need to spam you with this stuff.
I’m committed to ensuring that your privacy is protected. Should I ask you to provide certain information by which you can be identified when using my website, then you can be assured that it will only be used in accordance with this privacy statement.
I may change this policy from time to time by updating this page. You should check this page from time to time to ensure that you are happy with any changes. This policy is effective from 30th April 2020.
What I collect
I may collect the following information:
- Name/company name
- Contact information including email address and phone number
What I do with the information
I require this information to understand your needs and provide you with a better service, and in particular for the following reasons:
- My internal record keeping.
- To improve my products
- I may contact you by email, phone, fax or mail – if you’re lucky
- I may use the information to customise the website according to your interests
I’m committed to ensuring that your information is secure.
Controlling your personal information
I promise you that I will never sell, distribute or lease your personal information to third parties.
You may request details of personal information which I hold about you under the Data Protection Act 1998. If you would like a copy of the information held on you please contact me for more information. If you believe that any information I am holding on you is incorrect or incomplete, please write to or email me as soon as possible. I’ll promptly correct any information found to be incorrect.
When you visit my website, I use “cookie” technology try to make your experience simple, personalised and meaningful. I’m providing this information as part of my initiative to comply with recent legislation, and to make sure I’m honest and clear about your privacy when using my website. In relation to this matter please be assured that I’m working on a number of other privacy and cookie-related improvements to make to this website.
So, what are cookies?
Cookies are small text files which are issued to your computer or any similar device you use to access the internet (e.g. smartphone, tablet or other mobile device) which store and sometimes track information about your use of the website. A number of cookies I use last only for the duration of your web session and expire when you close your browser. Other cookies are used to remember you when you return to the alucidnation website and will last for longer.
*Please note that cookies do not harm your computer or software installed on your computer.
I don’t store personally identifiable information such as credit card details in the cookies I create, but I do use encrypted information gathered from them to help improve your experience of my site.
- recognise when a visitor to alucidnation has visited before; this means I can identify the number of unique visitors received and allows me to make sure I have enough capacity for the number of users that I get;
- helps me to identify and resolve errors, or to determine relevant related products to show you when you’re browsing.
- collect statistical information about how my visitors use the website(s) so that I can improve the website and learn which parts are most popular to visitors
If you take the opportunity to ‘share’ content with friends through social networks – such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc. – you may be sent cookies from these websites. I don’t control the setting of these cookies, so I suggest you check the third-party websites for more information about their cookies and how to manage them.
Third party cookies
Certain cookies are either set by third parties on the Website or these are set by me using the third parties cookie code. More information about cookies placed by third parties and how to restrict or block their cookies can be accessed by following the link to their website. In addition to cookies, tracking gifs may be set by me or third parties in respect of your use of the Site. Tracking gifs are small image files within the content of our site or the body of our newsletters so me or third parties can understand which parts of the website are visited or whether particular content is of interest.
In addition to cookies, tracking gifs may be set by me or third parties in respect of your use of the Site. Tracking gifs are small image files within the content of our site or the body of my newsletters so me or third parties can understand which parts of the website are visited or whether particular content is of interest.
Cookie Name – Google Analytics
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These cookies are used to collect information about how visitors use my site. I use the information to compile reports and to help me improve the site. The cookies collect information in an anonymous form, including the number of visitors to the site, where visitors have come to the site from and the pages they visited.
Cookie Name – Twitter
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These cookies are used when integrating twitter feeds into my site’s pages and to allow the sharing of content.
Cookie Name – Facebook
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These cookies are used when integrating Facebook and the sharing of content.
Third Party Websites
When you visit this Website you may notice some cookies that are not related to this website. When you visit a page that contains embedded content, for example from YouTube, you may be sent cookies from these websites. I don’t control the setting of these cookies, so I suggest you check the third-party websites for more information about their cookies and how to manage them.
Please be aware that I don’t control and I’m not responsible for websites that are referred to or linked from its own websites and that use of your personal information on these websites is not subject to this Privacy and Cookies Policy.
You can change your browser to prevent that or to notify you each time a cookie is set. You can also learn more about cookies by visiting www.allaboutcookies.org which includes additional useful information on cookies and how to block cookies using different types of browser. Please note however, that by blocking or deleting cookies used on the alucidnation site you may not be able to take full advantage of this website if you do so.
terms | conditions
alucidnation.co.uk is a site operated by Bruce Bickerton, aka alucidnation.
1. Intellectual Property
No permission is given by me in respect of the reproduction or use for commercial or detrimental purposes of any brand names, product names, designs and other material shown on or connected with my website in which intellectual property rights subsist.
2. Governing Law
These terms and conditions shall be governed by and construed in accordance with English Law and all parties shall submit to the exclusive jurisdiction of the English Courts. If you have any queries or complaints please contact me using the contact form on my site.
3. Security Policy
Believe me, I take your online security very seriously.
I’ll comply with the requirements of the UK Data Protection Act 1998 to ensure that your personal information is processed fairly and lawfully and I will take appropriate precautions to keep your personal data secure.
I reserve the right to:
modify or withdraw, temporarily or permanently, this website (or part thereof) with or without notice to you and you confirm that I shall not be liable to you or any third party for any modification to my website; and/or change the terms and conditions from time to time, and your continued use of my website (or any part thereof) following such change shall be deemed to be your acceptance of such change. It is your responsibility to check regularly to determine whether the terms and conditions have been changed. If you do not agree to any change to the terms and conditions then you must immediately stop using my website.
And finally, if you’re still reading this tosh, you deserve a fucking medal.
Thank you and goodnight.